They say a girl’s first true love is the one that sticks with her till the end of time
So why haven’t i experienced mine?
Every night i close my eyes and try to draw images of you but i’m left with a blank page
I try to play happy scenarios in my head but all i get is sadness and a harsh wave of reality that i would never get to experience my first love
Sometimes i feel abandoned but how can i be abandoned if i was never accepted?
I try to move on with the other half of my heart but i see the scars you left on her body
I see her try to fill the void you left
I see her cry at night because she believes she isn’t enough
The hatred i feel towards you grows
This hate is eating me up
Now i go about with little to no expectations from man
Now i can barely hold a conversation with a man without seeing your reflection
They say to move on
How can i move on from something holding me down?
If only i could control it, like a magician i would wave my wand and “abracadabra” it into thin air
But i’m a slave to it
Everyday i wake up, chained, trying to break loose
But they’re too strong
So i give in , so i don’t lose the last strength left in me
My first love ruined me
Thank you Dad