They say a girl’s first true love is the one that sticks with her till the end of time

So why haven’t i experienced mine?

Every night i close my eyes and try to draw images of you but i’m left with a blank page

I try to play happy scenarios in my head but all i get is sadness and a harsh wave of reality that i would never get to experience my first love

Sometimes i feel abandoned but how can i be abandoned if i was never accepted?

I try to move on with the other half of my heart but i see the scars you left on her body

I see her try to fill the void you left

I see her cry at night because she believes she isn’t enough

The hatred i feel towards you grows

This hate is eating me up

Now i go about with little to no expectations from man

Now i can barely hold a conversation with a man without seeing your reflection

They say to move on

How can i move on from something holding me down?

If only i could control it, like a magician i would wave my wand and “abracadabra” it into thin air

But i’m a slave to it

Everyday i wake up, chained, trying to break loose

But they’re too strong

So i give in , so i don’t lose the last strength left in me

My first love ruined me

Thank you Dad