I never know what to expect from someone you have feelings for so i never expect anything at all. I have somehow managed to build a wall that “protects” me from hurt: With you it was different

In a matter of days, I knew I felt something for you. It started with reading our conversations, making up scenarios in my head, staying up late to talk to you and slowly I let my guard down. I knew you weren’t right for me as you were too perfect to be true yet i decided to live like a Disney princess in hopes that I would find my happy ending in you.

Little did i know i was stabbing myself in the back

Now i sit back and think about everything; i don’t know what to feel. Whether to be happy I got to experience you or whether I should have ignored that message you sent me the first time we ever spoke

You knew how to make me feel like I mattered and that everything I was feeling and going through was the most important. You were my safe space or so you made it seem. I would come running to you to tell you silly things like how I caught a butterfly or how a little baby gave me a hug and on days when you disappeared, I would fill your absence with pictures I got from stalking you. Whenever you came back, I would accept you like the first time we started talking. It became a habit, a pattern of the same shitty behavior but I would overlook everything because I still wanted to hold on to hope; hope that things would get better.

Was I a second option?

Now I’m going through your Instagram and I’m seeing pictures of you with another lady; she’s beautiful.

That means I have to face reality, I don’t want to. You were never mine and now you will never be, and even though you have moved on and you have gotten yourself another princess, i cannot but wish you would come back into my arms and tell me it’s all a nightmare.

It isn’t, I know that and you know it too. Now I have to move on with the remains of a broken heart that never got to experience you fully.

I’m just another broken princess waiting for the prince charming to her cinderella.

4 thoughts on “BLU

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