Fun fact, i wrote this weeks ago but i didn’t know when to share this, so, in honor of world mental health day, i’ll be sharing this💙
Song that describes my mood currently : Step by step – Whitney Houston
I’ve been hanging in for the past few months, waking up every morning and hiding everything behind a smile plastered on my face and going on about my day like nothing is wrong. Just when I thought everything was all coming to an end, I had a massive blow from life and did I fall? yes , I did, matter of fact I broke down and decided to end it all. I made up my mind to walk into an oncoming vehicle and end it there; if I don’t die, I would have injuries that would actually serve as a reason for the pain I was feeling that I couldn’t explain, I thought to myself. I remembered my mum, the woman who had gone through a lot just to make sure I didn’t lack the basic things of life. Would I reward her by ending my life? I couldn’t let her down, not now, not ever.
I have to make this woman proud, I said to myself plus I couldn’t die in the white man’s land and have my picture all over the blogs; if my pictures are going to be on the blogs, it would be for something notable like academic excellence or achieving something career wise. I got home and decided that I would talk to the only one that listens even when I’m not saying anything; God. I locked the door and sat on my bed and opened to pray but instead of words, tears came rushing down my face. I cried for some minutes and went to bed. I woke up the next day and I didn’t feel any better but I had to be strong for my mum; we were countries apart and I knew that my being alone was enough worry for her.
I had to pick myself up and stop crying because crying would in fact solve nothing. I sat back and prayed and came up with ideas to combat my problems. I took a break off social media, went to work and went about executing my plans. Am I where I planned to be? no, does it make me sad? yes, definitely but it could be worse so instead of thinking about the negative, i’m going to put all my energy into making something positive out of this situation.
this is something very sensitive but i’m sharing this because I feel like someone might be going through something similar or even worse and they can’t talk to anyone about it, because there might be someone contemplating suicide,because there might be someone who uses meds to get through the night.
It doesn’t last forever, as cliché as this sounds, you would look back at it and smile.please don’t kill yourself, dont self harm.life is in phases and you’ll be over this phase soon.
It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
stay strong soldier, much love♥️