Midnight thoughts

Currently playing: Birdy- keeping your head up.

It’s 10:48 pm and I’m recovering from a crying session that was triggered by my food not coming out the way I thought it would.

I had just gotten home and was tired but I could feel this weird energy.

I told my friends I could feel a darkness inside me that I couldn’t express. They didn’t really know what to say probably because they didn’t understand.

When the food I had been craving finally came in but tasted bad, I started crying.

Maybe it wasn’t because of the food, maybe it was just an outburst of emotions that I’ve pushed back because I’ve been trying to be strong for the people around me.

On one hand, I wanted to share how I felt and on the other hand I was scared the people I spoke to would let me down, so I kept to myself , again.

I felt lonely and missed the company of my family more than ever.

It’s been 2 years since the voices in my head had been yelling “you’ll never be enough”. I can’t seem to explain it, no one seems to understand either.

Everyone says to be strong but how do I be strong when I’ve forgotten what exactly that is?

Picking out my outfit for tomorrow, I’ve decided that suicide can’t end this pain and I’m just going to have to deal with this reality that I might never be genuinely happy.

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